If You Missed The Part 23, Read It Here
Phone was charging and probably didn’t have money to buy Data and browse, so I opted for Esther’s Ipad which I didn’t think she would give to me(Like why ask then?)
I went to the sitting room and sat on a chair that the Ipad was on, stylishly looking for the perfect moment to take it and ask her to type in her password because I wanted to use it but I couldn’t just get the right moment, so I joined her watching her TV.
Jessy, A.N.T farm, Goodluck Charlie, still counting and I still haven’t asked her for the Ipad, instead, I was enjoying the programmes . (This was funny sha, unto say I grew up watching masquerades and Barney B..)
I miss those days kids have to wait till 4pm before they start watching TV -BasketMouth said!
(Maybe I was born before color TV came out sha..)
“Can I use your Ipad please?”.. I said. (Keh! Keh!! Keh!!!). She didn’t hear me, ohhh! I was only rehearsing it, I thought I said it aiidy.
“Can I use your Ipad please?”.. I said out loud.. Waiting for a question for a question.. (Like: For what? Is it your Dad’s? Why?)
“Umm.. For what?”.. She said. (Dayuuum!!! She gave me what I was expecting but not 100% like I expected, she didn’t say it in a mean way)
“Just want to check some messages on facebook and reply some emails for Uncle Daniel”.. I said.
(Lying was the only way I know )
“Alright.. You can have it”.. She said.
na for here I know say something is up!!
She gave me the password as I was forming “Mr. Tech Geek”.
Mind you, that was my second time using an Ipad. (first was when I used it to Snap Esther) Thank God TweetDeck was right on the home screen(how I for take tell am to open the app for me?) as I clicked it, manipulated till I logged in.
First tweet I saw was that of micheal retweeted by Tobby’s handle. and it read “@____(me) n @_____(faith) probably got around the bend because of the aphrodicodi LMAO”
APHRODI what? ..
“No wonder!!!!!!!!!!! “.. I said to myself as I used my right hand to hold my lagbaja to see if it was still standing(I forgot I would know withought touching it) and to the wonder works of whoever was in charged, it was still very much on. This was strange as I said earlier, as in, these men tools are like snails and tortoise nah, why my own come dey form snake(Folding inside its boxers when he suppose enter e shell?)
I was still confused. Maybe Tobby was just being sarcastic(No! It was micheal that tweeted it!!!), but in checking out for more tweets, I decided to check Faith’s profile to see if she tweeted, and to my surprise, she didn’t. She even took off some tweets and retweets she twEeted earlier(about me being
“Wait oh! Abi na Aprhodicodi dey act on her that time? Or she was just drunk? Or was it real feelings? And am here killing myself?”.. I said to myself.
(Heeeeys! We know what I mean by Aphrodicodi right? Like Aphrodisiac? Abeg google am jare! Shewww..)
I didn’t know when I reached my room, sent a “please call me” text to Asamoah and took like forever before he called. Inshort, before he called, I pulled my trousers down to see what lagbaja was doing down there, and I didn’t even care if the door was closed(another mistake? Iont think so). Behold, the “snake” tool started pointing towards the ceiling like say na pussay dey up there.
I drew my trouses + Boxer +Boxer up in a gifi as a call came in, it was A$amoah calling me.
Me: Guy! Wetin una put for those drinks at the party? (I said with a natural voice.. Faaaaack borrowed ascent I tell you)
Asamoah: Did You drink from the dispenser??
Me: Yes nah, where I for drink before?
Asamoah: No nah! The Dispenser liquor was not meant for you.. It was meant for special people.
Me: Special people? As how?
Asamoah: It contained some….. (He called a drug I didn’t care to know.. (Or I can’t just remember?)
But all I know was it was an Aphrodicodi.)
Me: Guy, you don put me for wahala be dat nah, where you want make I go now?
Asamoah: What’s your blood group?
Me: I don’t know man.. Talk to me!!!!!! (I said with some energy.. Wait.. Blood group? Me wey never go hospital for almost 9years? I dey sick? Why I go know my blood group? Mtchewwww..)
Asamoah: ummm! For it to take that long before it had effect on you, then you must be O+.
Me: Guy! Bone science, wetin I go do? This tin don dey wound me nah! (,I didn’t know it has not even started)
Asamoah: Chill! Can you come to Wadbash Hotel? Let me arrange babes for you to ease the spirits.
Me: I told you I can never faaaxck an ashewo.. (I said with a face I tink I inherited from my Dad.. Had it be I know!!!!!)
Asamoah: Ehehehe(he laughed).. You never understand. That water dispenser was special!!!
*Convo cut short (Una too like Amebo.. Ahan!!!!!!!)*
I dropped the Call and ran into the bathroom to mastulabate.. This was what Asamoah suggested since I didn’t wanted to Bleep(saving the stress of nairaland auto correct so I wrote BLEEP) an Ashieawo.. I have heard once or twice that Mageni Buratashi (an aphrodisiac the northerners sells) kills if you don’t have sex in between 24hours of taking it. I even heard a story of how a woman had to offer herself to her son to bleep(shocking right?) Just because no girl was ready to ease him off his overdosed Buratashi(let’s call it the Nigerian Viagra). Thanks to my aboki friend from maiduguri(Up till now, I never trust that guy.. MAIDUGURI.. Capital of which state is that?) who told me things about that Viagra some months back. Now am scared as hell! (Something just ministered to me that a girl and a boy actually recited the “State and Capital” song of those days just to be able tell the state in which maiduguri is it capital… The thing say make I ask you “How many days does august have in a calendayr ??) And to even think that drugs works X 2 when used with vodka, I had to shorten my own 24hours to 12hours (Simple maths.. DM me so I will proof how I did it..
NOTE: This message is for the Females only)
It was like 12pm and I had 3hours more(fear my maths).. For the first time in 3years, I started believing my mind while I masturlabated. Like it was telling me “You Will Go 5Rounds gan!”.. And I believed like say na One popular G.O prophesy am . Before before, if it tells me “You will go to rounds”, I go just yawn and not yield to his advice.. Hence I go do the straphing and resting style.
*Na you holy pass? Shift!!!!*
5mins in, no rest, all straphing with my hands and nothing came out? It seemed the anxiety even angered the hormones.. Come see lagbaja dey fear . I didn’t even need to imagine any Lisa ann or Joyce’s bosoms, or Faith’s pussay hole before I gained an attention. The thing just stand like say na Status of Goliath.
“Baba! I need your help oh.. If you save me from this, I no go enter party again.. I no go straaf anygirl until I marry, but I had to rethink that prayer. (I heard lagbaja shout “Shattap there! Till you marry? Make the both of us better die here oh! You wan kill me?”)..
WATCH OUT FOR PART 25